Regrets, I've Had A Few

You'd expect me to sing the whole of Frank Sinatra's "My Way" now wouldn't you? Well, for one I do like that song. I duet with my father on that song all the time. Plus, it's meaningful enough yet simple for me to understand. I mean, it's just about life isn't it?

I came across a lecturer's status this afternoon (considering I only woke up at 1pm) stating on how she regrets never saying sorry to her old neighbour for having friendly bickers. Of course, not much can be done now except to apologize in her own heart and have the thought that the old lady was gracious enough in heaven to forgive her for all she has done as a neighbour; whether good or bad. Eventually, I'd find myself being the last person to ever tell anyone to cheer up and let bygones be bygones but I somehow had the feeling that I should have said something to her. I mean, it's the Chinese New Year's and no one deserves to feel down.

To be honest, who doesn't have any regrets? I wouldn't say I have none after all. Right from year 2010 to the year 2011, I've been just accumulating them and my ratio of regrets to pride would probably be scaled on 200 : 3. Okay, that's a little exaggerated but you get my point, right? I mean, puh-leaze...I've been ignoring so many people and so many things around me because I'm just an ignorant little pest I've never valued their existence the way I should have. Of course, it's too late now. Time doesn't just stop and reverse because you want it to. It just moves on, just as how humans are SUPPOSED to.

I'd know how people are sick and tired of me mourning and remembering how life was when I had Uncle Swithin to expect in the car when my father picks me up from school or how my great, big bellied grandfather would forever be just waiting in that Penang house when we arrive home and ruin all his moments. Yes, I am NEVER over that as much as I want to...but I never find that I should be blamed. I am in fact trying extremely hard to let things go; if anyone even notices. There are moments where I would crawl into my own solitary hiding hole and just curl up and cry like a hurt kitten awaiting the sunrise... Yet things aren't as easy as I think they are. I could speak of them as though it were a thing of the past and I was really okay, but there are still days where I just hide and cry. What better ways could I have than to be in my own sanctuary and have nothing but just that?

We don't always walk away from our regrets and neither do we ever walk away from our past. We could thrash them in a corner, lock them up with a double padlock and throw away the key into the deep blue sea but we'd have to remember that one day, someone's just going to grab a pick and pick that lock just to see you fall. Or maybe you'd happen to chance over all these silly memories when you're cleaning up your pile of mess (just like I did earlier today when I cleaned up my room) (Oh, and following that, I HAVE A FLOOR AGAIN!) and then remember that you were once...that. It doesn't help a lot, but sometimes it's a lot better to face the fact than to just shy away from them. Trust me, it hurts a lot less that way.

Maybe, just maybe...it's time we all picked up our pieces, faced all our problems and be proud enough to say that we've been there, done that yet lived to tell the tale. Be it shameful, be it prideful, be it a horror story or a romance novel...just go head on and do it. Have faith and things could work.

Oh, and Happy Chinese New Year, everyone. :)

Food before cooking...

Food after cooking...IT'S TIME TO ATTACK!!!