Tranquility In Order

It's funny how my previous post talked about how angry a person I am on a daily basis and today's post talks about how calm I could get at times. It's like a complete clash that makes no sense to anyone; perhaps to myself too. Yet the fact remained as such that I have never felt more peaceful than I have today. So where do I begin?

The caption on my Instagram was "Fake atas lifestyle" because most of the time you get people chilling at poolsides then taking shots like these. Excuse my fat legs and toes.

I finally took the time my butt off the chair and went out for a swim. I've always been putting it off for various reasons like it's too hot out or I'm too lazy to wash my swimsuit later and the best one being..."Clubhouse too far!" when it really is just about 3 minutes if I drive out. I have no idea why I always had excuses to my laziness but I suppose when your heart isn't in it, you just can't go for it. In fact, today's swimming plan was made with Ashley but she cancelled it this afternoon and I...was left hanging for a bit. I didn't know if I should have even gone because it felt pretty sad to go swim alone.

It was only at about 4-ish in the evening when my father and uncle came home that I felt the urge to change into my swimsuit and go take a dip. I don't know why but the feeling was almost like, "OMG LEAVE NOW ELIE LAM OR YOU WILL DIE." It was so weird considering I was halfway talking to my cousin who was dying of boredom in her office. But I took the plunge anyway and headed to the clubhouse alone only to see that there was no one at the pool. PRIVATE POOL YAY!

The initial touch of the water to my feet was so chilly, I thought I was going to get hypothermia. Fine, that's a little exaggerated but it was cold. The sun was out but there were also gusts of wind so the water was cold. "Better get it over and done with," I thought. And I jumped in. It was probably the most amazing feeling I have felt in a while being in the city and living the life. In fact I pretty much scolded myself for being lazy to take a swim for the past few months because it was just so majestic to be in the private pool where I could lap around without anyone judging my retarded swim.

The very next thing that the pool gave me was a sense of calmness. It was like a sanctuary that I have always looked for and it was so silent, I thought it was the best place to have been for the longest time ever. I'm a terrible sinker - I always float; but today I tried hard to stay underwater and put myself off oxygen just so I could feel the silence a little longer. I have to say, it wasn't an easy task but it felt amazing. Loads of things ran through my mind as I swam around the free-form pool and the quicker I lapped, the faster things went around.

This post; just as the one before serves no purpose to mankind but it was simply a sharing of what appeared to be a regularly boring day with a zing. It felt great to be in the water and much more to have been allowed to just lay there where no one cared how I flabby I looked in my swimsuit. I'm sorry, I often feel like I'm being secretly judged for turning into a Nippon paint Blobby like the ones I used to see in the Nuffnang office and it's always been one of my weaker points. In case you have no idea how a Blobby looks like...

THIS.

Calm moment over. I'm home and ready to go drink some Budweisers to balance it away with some messy thoughts in my mind. I think this is all a part of growing up, bit by bit. You tend to just...slip.

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