Pause button needed

I'm so in the mood to being sentimental today, so bear with me if I belt out weird words or just appear to be extremely emotional. (Not to say that I'm not on regular days, but you do get the idea of giving you a warning right?)

So I came across these posts on Facebook by a childhood friend; Sharmaine stating that she was devastated after the series of things that has been happening to her. What broke my heart was that this was the young little girl I grew up with, the same person I ran around acha's house with and that same little child that I've watched become such a pretty soul. The charm inside of her is something that you could never find. Given, I don't speak to her nor do I see her a lot but then the way she smiles would capture your heart JUST LIKE THAT. What she said earlier really did strike me deep and it sent me in a few different directions of thoughts and somehow all my silly thinking brought me here. To ramble on and on about the rubbish that my brain has managed to cook up.

"I miss being a kid. I didn't have to worry about anything." she said. That was all. Her words were subtle but they were strong. It reminded me of times where we were all innocent and happy. Where the only thing we were afraid of was to be left behind by our parents or that we had had too much soda and we were in trouble. Worry never made it to our vocabulary and neither did shit. Okay maybe worry did come into play but all that we were worried about was that our crayons got stolen or we had forgotten how to ace our spelling exam. And back then...shit meant shit. Like...excrement?

Where's the pause button to our growth? Where's the stop button to the pain? Everyday we are learning, everyday we are becoming someone else. Gone are the days where we could all be running from the front gate to the door in the kitchen, or days where spending times with boys were considered okay. Make up was never something crucial and t-shirts with jeans were okay on both genders. I wish we were back in those times now. I wish things were a lot more simple and life was just a smooth ride. Most importantly, I wish everything was fine now. That people never left, things never changed and we were all still children.

But hey, we're humans afterall right? We would have to grow up eventually. Let us not look backward. Let us dwell in the past only to learn to make a brighter future. Let us embrace the present and have an idea of what's in store next time. Right now, there's just a few things that I really need to say (albeit knowing that my blog is full of garbage that I'm not sure anyone really has the interest to read) to Sharmaine.

Did we use to call you Kucing? Or were you the little Cacing? I've gotten all three of you so mixed up but somehow I never really needed to address either of you to speak to you. We grew up together, dear. From times where we were probably 5 or so till days where acha left us all. But it never stopped there. We kept in touch, and things are eventually better. I know how you're living your life and you probably know mine too. I remember how we used to chase each other around acha's house, or cuddle together to listen to acha's stories. I remember how we used to throw ice from the ice box into the ditch by acha's house and simply just be children. I know we've all gone past that stage and I know we'd never go back that home again. We've lost all that but we have them in our memories. You're broken now and you've lost all hope. You've given up and you've got so much in your mind. I assure you that no matter how broken, no matter how much faith you have lost or how much you refuse to believe...things will get better. Your dark clouds will be blown away to reveal the sun and the rains will clear to bring in a rainbow. You don't need nobody to tell you that life's not worth it. Trust in yourself, believe that this would all make you stronger than ever, my dear. Because we all need to go through this. We've all been hurt and we've all fell before. Now it just depends how you pick up your pieces and get on with life. We're all around if you need us. Speak, my dear. That's all you need right now. Hug someone, my dear. Preferably those sisters of yours that NEEDS TO STOP GROWING UP (because I refuse to be old!) because they understand you more than anyone else who claim to know you ever can. Hug me, for God's sake when you ever see me. Because I'm fat and huggable. And you'll know that everything's okay. You'll be okay. I promise.

DEAR GOD DON'T I SOUND OLD?! All you haters can go away and die off however, because I always believe in being there for someone who needs someone. Wait till karma comes along and bites you in your butt. We'll see who's laughing then eh? And for now, this old lady (who really is quite young) needs to go and entertain another young lady before hitting the sack. I'm so bloody tired but my eyes refuse to shut and my mind refuses to take a break. Somebody pass me the hammer to knock myself with, please.

Share:

0 comments