A month has flown

Sometimes as life whizzes by, you tend to ignore what matters. You tend to forget and you tend to hold on to a figure of imagination; something your heart is content with yet never achievable. Here's what my creative little genes are telling me to do.

Imagine him.

Silly, isn't it? The want to still have you in my life. You're gone, and I have to accept that as of how I've accepted every other thing. Though it's been a month, I've still get come to grasp such a concept of having lost you for good. People say loads of tea help. I'm probably poisoned by caffeine right now (not to worry, I am not drinking your wife's coffee. It's still overly sweet even for me.) given the amount of tea I've taken. People say time heals. How long would be enough anyway? A month? Am I to release you now? A year? Am I to hang on for so long? A lifetime? An eternity? One where I dwell only in my figure of imagination with you still buying me food at random times or laughing out as I make a phone call?

I don't think I would ever be able to recover from my regrets of not picking up the phone that day. How long could it have lasted? How much could it have cost? What would you have said? What would you want me to remember? Did you know this was final? Did you know it was goodbye? At that very moment as you breathed your last; in just a curious little note, did you see the white light with little fractions of your life flashing by your eyes like they all said it would? What did you see? Who did you see? Was I there? Do you remember the moment I apparently did my business on you as you visited my brother in school with me in your arms? Do you remember how I used to look with a little coconut tree on my head and a cheeky grin with chubby arms and feet you jokingly deem as bread?

For every time I hold my keys, I see your chain by it. For every time I pick up your treasures, I imagine your fingers sliding through them. These unique little toys; a new item every visit, they once belonged to you. They belong to you forever. It would never be mine. I'm just helping you safe keep them. I can't help but to imagine you laying where you used to as we step into the house. How you stood by the stove to prepare us dinner or crouched by the garden to safe guard your ripe, red and (probably) juicy tomato that was later stolen? It still makes me laugh to this day, a moment where I could remember your expressions when you realized your effort had gone missing in a flash. It's ridiculous how these trivial things matter, but sometimes these are the best things to memorize.

Here's what you should know though. We are all fine. The family is in tact and your wife; boy is SHE having fun. I'm sure you could see how she's making us dinner, (and turning me fat!), playing with her tablet PC, drinking coffee, puffing cigarettes and simply enjoying her moments. Gee, what a person would give to have a life like hers right now huh? She does sleep well; I can hear her snores from a mile away! You're happy, are you not? We'll take over now. You've done a lot; so much more than we could imagine...until now. It's been a month...and we're still learning. I am, at least. Watch over us. Protect us like you always did. Play hard too. I promise you that I shall buy you an iPad or a tablet PC like her majesty's to burn for you. When I find it, that is. Or have you gone fishing, mountain climbing and tea drinking with your friends there? You've always had a lifestyle of such anyway. I'm pretty sure you're having fun. Do enjoy, you deserve it finally.

I'm not delusional, I just miss you. Every little day, I do. :)

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