My tinge of normality has returned. Of course, given that you have been through my 12 Days Challenge with Skin Food, you would know that I have officially taken blogging into a greater height where I am finally making use of my writing skills to make things work out whether to build up a name for myself or to just prove it to everyone that I'm not as useless as I may seem. Things haven't exactly been going great and smooth sailing for me, except that my skin really has change immensely with all the goodies that I've been using specifically and obediently. I'm quite glad the copywriting project in collaboration with Irwin Creative for the Purple Monkey website worked out well though. It has given me a chance to prove that I can be a part of the writing industry although I'd be consider just a small fry right now. Maybe just one day, I could be someone big. Or not.

And as some may know, I've been involved in a production with an ex-student from college and it's been quite an experience except that now dad's pretty ticked off with the idea of me returning home one night / morning at 5.30 am. I guess it's partially my fault that there could not be a proper estimate of what time I could be home, but honestly I had no idea the shoot session could have dragged that long. Seriously, so many hours under all that drizzle. I hope the video turns out great. After all the efforts, I've learned that I should give a lot more credit and appraisals to each and every production company out there whether its on the casts, camera crews, producers and every extra personnel on the set because it really isn't as easy as some thinks it is. Of course, I also hope that I'd be a little more involved in these productions because it's actually kind of fun to see whatever happens BEHIND THE SCENES and completely first hand.

Also, it has been quite a while since I've thought of this matter but just recently, I've been reminded over and over about my grandfather. Yes, he has passed on a good 3 months now but I don't think I'm near over it. I still miss him and in a way I think there isn't any moment that I wouldn't cry just thinking about it. A simple thought of him not being able to see how happy we are as a whole family when we surround our grandmother is sufficient to make me flood my pillow and having to know that he wouldn't be able to try test out my capabilities in baking does make me feel guilty that I have never tried my hand at such a hobby when he was around. So much for being afraid of failure. Trying to talk about a man I grew up with isn't exactly easy and somehow I just teared up the moment my boyfriend told me about his experiences with his friend. As his eyes filled with water, I just ran off to the toilet like the coward I am and just bawled my heart out. Useless child. I can't seem to bring myself to saying it really is okay and to be honest, I am not okay. Unless you count crying myself to sleep on occasional nights as being okay... But that aside, I still am learning how to let it go and albeit being slower than most people, I suppose it would one day work out for me.

In the mean time, I've been losing touch with quite a lot in life. For instance, I no longer know who my silly little pet sister is dating and neither do I know if my crazy buddies have anything mad up their sleeves no thanks to my schedule of working and studying on a non stop basis. November has been hectic and December wouldn't be much better considering there's my finals to sit for and then there's Christmas and New Years that follows through. Odd as this may sound, I have actually no realization that it's already been a year since my National Service experience as well as how it's been nearly a year since I've been branded a college student. So much has happened; be it good or bad. I should get in touch with life once again, shouldn't I? It seems like I've missed out on so much of fun, especially neglecting my donkey of a boyfriend whether its his feelings or just how he plainly does his work. Maybe that's what growing up does to you. I wouldn't know. I am, however hoping that I could get my thoughts and feelings clear. I can't help being confused and trapped in my own body that I'm suffocating myself in a whole turmoil for no apparent reasoning (much to the annoyance to my boy who is forced to sit around my moody days. I'm sorry, dear.) or maybe it's my way to punish myself for...whatever it is I feel guilty about.

Things need to pick up soon, really. Work wise and personal wise, things just need to change for the better. I need to change for the better. One day, I will. And for once, I wouldn't hide behind an excuse that today isn't the day for that "one day" to happen because for once, I'd believe that the "one day" begins...today.

P/S: And because you've been so nice to have read through my amazingly long post full of gibberish ranting that isn't relevant to your life yet you spent your time on it, you shall be rewarded with a digital hug and a silly camwhore photograph of...me. :)