Movie Review: Hansel & Gretel; Witch Hunters

By Elie - 5:13 PM

"And you pumpkin."

Now, just before you jump on the bandwagon thinking that this is going to be the movie of the year with the best theme ever and the most amazing action involved...please begin to re-think on your ideas. If you'd still like to spend your RM 12 on a ticket to get into the cinema to catch this show, I'm fine with that. It's really your money, but I'm just telling you that you're better off with that RM 12 to a different movie.

This is no fairytale.
Picture credits to

That's right. I'm talking about the highly disappointing Hansel & Gretel; Witch Hunters that I managed to catch yesterday with much thanks to United International Pictures and Nuffnang during the Nuffnang Premiere Screening: Hansel & Gretel; Witch Hunters. I'd like to just apologize ahead knowing that I got to watch the movie when others had really wanted to come along yet now I'm criticizing it to no ends. That, or I've just done someone a favor. *Glares*

Cutest illustration of Hansel & Gretel I could find online!
 Picture credits to

If anyone ever remembers, the original fairytale speaks about Hansel & Gretel being lost in the woods after their father and step-mother decides that they've just had enough with having to feed these two gluttons children and as the story unfolds, these siblings would somehow come across a house in the middle of the forest made out of candy and decides to eat the house. However in the middle of their feast, a witch disguised as an old woman walks out and lures them into the house with more lavish food and comfort. Stupidly or rather in their most naive forms, they do follow and a whole series of things would happen before Hansel & Gretel finally kills the witch in an oven.

Opening on the 24th of January 2013 in Malaysian screens, the modern twist of Hansel & Gretel; Witch Hunters does adapt just that *tinge* much to the original story but instead of ending it right there where they have killed ONE witch, it continues on to having Hansel & Gretel kill immense amounts of witches all around the world instead. Touché how we notice that revenge is murderous. Directed by Tommy Wirkola, Hansel & Gretel; Witch Hunters stars Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye anyone?) and Gemma Arterton as Hansel & Gretel respectively. It's pretty cute how they have found just about the hottest guy ever to be the brother of an amazingly beautiful woman. Like, how illogical is that? My brother doesn't look that good and look at how pretty I look! *Coughs* 

 They actually work a lot more like lovers than siblings in the movie. Trust me, that one scene in their old home just makes me wonder if they were incest instead.
Picture credits to

Without too much spoiler leaks as it isn't out on the big screen just yet, I would say that the movie is definitely not the kind of movie you would pick on your first date nor anything that you would even let kids watch. Strangely, the only things censored were sexual scenes and nothing else. Not even the crazily gory, blood shedding moment of the witches escaping got sliced away (pun intended) so be prepared to see loads of ketchup blood in the show. I bid you extra luck if you're watching it in 3D. Storyline wise, I see a flow in the beginning but it just became something predictable and lame towards the middle of the show and I didn't even bother to watch the show for real, turning much more of my attention to the popcorn I had gotten...and was finished by Mr.Ng.

The only thing good about the show would probably just be Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton while the others are simply forgettable for their lack of screen time and odd flows that brings them onscreen out of nowhere. I don't know about you, but this isn't one of those shows you would expect me to even spend my money buying and watching it for the second time. Probably hits the list of the poorest movies I've watched in a while now with a 3/10 rating overall. I've given 2 points to Jeremy Renner for his amazing body and face while Gemma Arterton hit 1 point with her...uh...assets.

P/S: It's pretty hilarious how they tried to poke fun at the fact that eating too much candy is bad for health with a discreet way of showing it via Hansel's illness. Oh and take note on the troll that surprisingly has a heart and bears the same name (that is oddly coincidental) to a sparkling vampire. Who's the real troll now, eh?

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  1. Replies
    1. He's damn hot right? Lol. But seriously that's the only good thing about the movie. Sides that, it's just...meh. :P


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