Movie Review: Dead Man Down

Before I go on raging in one of the most disappointing movies ever, here's a shout out to all the amazing women in the world as we celebrate the International Women's Day today! But then again, everyday should be women's day as we go on and strive through to battle the world like nobody's business...in heels!

Anyway, back to the point...I got to watch Dead Man Down with Kin about two nights ago at GSC, Tropicana City Mall all thanks to Nuffnang and Nusantara Edaran Filem! While the trailer got me all pumped up and bloody excited, the movie was nothing but a let down. I hardly ever go on rambling about a terrible movie or point out on the worst things ever but Dead Man Down (DMD) is just horrible!

Picture stolen from my work folder... I hope my head of department doesn't murder me after this. I have faith in you...

To start off, this movie tells you about how Victor; a gangland player in an apparently crime ring struggles to fight for nothing but some good old attention from who appears to first be the leader of the crime ring and later on just a little nobody under the jurisdiction of someone else. And in comes Beatrice, the all too friendly yet mysterious neighbour that suddenly begins to wave a "hello" while having holding a cigarette. That "hello" lands Victor in hell when Beatrice asks him to kill some man who had apparently ruined HER life and we later see that Victor too has his reasons in being in the crime ring. I think I lost myself somewhere in this maze. No kidding, I was an hour into the movie and I still had to look up at Wai Kin to ask if he understand anything about the movie to date...and he said no. This is why we're together I suppose. We just don't get it.

DMD began as a very promising movie, one with nothing but car chases and top notch thrills that would make you wonder what could ever happen to the protagonist but all that is just scrapped off for darkness and inaudible mumbles.  And to make matters worst, there were no subtitles and a whole load of an unknown language (I'm assuming it is Albanian) that goes on in the movie out of no where. Plus the storyline was unclear whilst the plot unfolded slower than my HK instant noodles and that says a lot! To put in simple words, it should be likened to "The Man On The Ledge"...except with a much weaker finishing to it. Indeed, I don't think I have ever hated a movie this much...
 
Even with tattoos you don't pass for a professional sniper / gangster boy!
Picture credits to Filmofilia.com


 

Colin Farrell stars as Victor; the man with a past that appears so horrible and yet takes his time in revenge for some unknown reason. Sue me when I say this, but I don't think I've ever seen Colin Farrell in any movies or unless I have been watching them except I've just completely gone oblivious to them because he's nothing great anyway. The fact that he mumbled through the whole movie didn't help at all and the only thing I could hear coming out from his mouth was a four-lettered word that rhymes with "truck" and begins with the alphabet F. He hardly comes by my mind as a mournful husband and a dutiful father; which makes the movie even more pointless to begin with.
 
 Someone should tell Noomi Repace that it's nice to have ONE off shoulder crop top but when you deliberately pull down one side of the shoulder and tie up EVERY SINGLE TOP that you own, it would get bloody annoying. That...or someone did a terrible job at the wardrobe designing!
Picture credits to Hollywood.com
 
They had decided to put Noomi Repace next to Colin Farrell to star as Beatrice in this movie and the one thing that I have to say is that she is so bloody annoying that I would hope and pray never to see her on screen again. Her actions were so deliberately exaggerating to a point that even frowning felt like such an effort and her eye twitches got to me so much that I decided even looking at my Coke cup was far more interesting. Noomi Repace; much like Colin Farrell is someone I have never seen on the big screen and judging by her performance in this movie, I can see why. (*Gasp* I searched for her on IMDB and it turns out she was the gypsy from Sherlock Holmes; A Game of Shadows! She was fine there...WHAT HAPPENED?!) And if you're looking at the picture above, be prepared...because that's the only face you'll be seeing throughout the 110 minutes of the movie. She doesn't smile, she doesn't laugh...she just stands there; with a cigarette that she never smokes in her hand; frowning at you
 
Not sure if that's his inner shirt or his underwear. I have my money on the latter...
Picture credits to  Flicksandbits.com
 
A notable mention though could be Dominic Cooper who starred as Darcy; another struggling gangland player who also happens to be Victor's best ONLY friend...until the "waving neighbour" slips into the role. I wish she never had...
 
On a personal scale, Dead Man Down deserves nothing more than a 1/10 for it's horrible storyline, weak plot and an annoyingly terrible cast. I think the only reason I'm even giving it a point is that it has a nice poster. I am disappointed, I am. Someone tell me a cure to this horror, will you? Revenge is coming all right...but it's just from me to the director and producer of this terror.

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1 comments

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